I’ve been deconstructing what sexuality means for me personally... It's so easy for us as a whole to think of it as the time when we share our body with another person or the moment that we’re “penetrated” by someone else.
It’s always the act of you and someone else.
But for me, my sexuality lives so much within me. It’s so much my own and not necessarily something that I have to share with someone.
When I was about 12 or 13 and I discovered masturbation and what it meant to touch and feel myself was so… liberating. I remember when I first discovered masturbation I was like, “is anyone else doing this?” I mean masturbation is not even talked about in sex ed! Sex HEALTH classes!
My mom ran an HIV and AIDS medical practice for 23 years so I knew what a condom and a penis was at like 7 and my mom was very open to talk about things medically (about sexual health and things like that). But very rarely do we ever talk about sex outside of a health standpoint and sexuality not being something that’s rooted in the act of sex.
Sexuality is rooted in intimacy. It’s rooted in knowing your body.
The moment that I discovered that my body was sexual or my body was capable of pleasure that I never knew before…
that was like a whirlwind.
I hate it when people misconstrue sexuality and sexual orientation-- people will say “oh I don’t care about people’s sexuality” well no, you are talking about sexual orientation but you should care about your sexuality.
You should care about what it’s like to know your body. Instead of worrying about sex partners, rediscover your body for yourself.
And it didn’t feel like innocence was being taken away from me, not at all. Innocence wasn’t being taken away, innocence is taken away when you are shamed for something. And the fact that we don’t talk about masturbation or one’s pleasure with one’s body (not even in a sexual way) just being intimate with your body- finding all the nooks and crannies of your body- I think that once we talk about that, then we can get further along in sexual education and sex health education. Because right now, the whole conversation surrounding sex is rooted in the other person, but never with the self. How can we skip that step? The discussions always starts with you contacting another person instead of you coming to contact with yourself. You cant even get in contact with another person if you can’t get into contact with yourself.
I’m a virgin by choice and I know I can have sex when I’m ready to and with who I want to in a safe way. But there’s no one on this planet that is going to know my body better than me. Think about that! No one is ever going to know your body and how it functions and what it loves and what it likes and what it can do better than you. No one will ever be able to know that. So my sexuality is rooted in me.
And I truly love that no one can touch me in the way that I can touch myself.